What Matters

A few months ago, a serendipitous internet search had me stumble upon a book called "What Matters". The title caught my eye and as I searched a little further, discovered the author had started a literary group called The Emerson Circle, at Sundance Ranch, based on the wisdom of the past masters in literature, poetry and philosophy. It sounded wonderful so decided to order the book and email the site to find out more. Making a long story short, I 'met' the author via email, and eventually learned he was friends with a close friend of mine, as well as my sister and brother-in-law! It felt like the smallest of worlds, considering his bio said he was living in a chateau in France.

I read the book nearly in its entirety on a long flight to South Florida, and it reminded me of my favorite class at college, where a small group of 10 of us were in a writing program within the English major, and we read, wrote and discussed each other's work, and the work of classic essayists. I absolutely loved it. Our group was a bit like "The Breakfast Club", and while we didn't all overlap socially, in class we shared and discussed the most intimate matters of the heart. "What Matters" reminded me of how much I loved reading these works, and the true pleasure of writing, and also began a deeper mediation on what actually matters most to me.

Thinking about 'what matters' is both disruptive and clarifying, and once you go down that path and really start to be really honest with yourself, unfortunately there's no turning back. I had a gnawing feeling for several months during trips to New York in the winter and spring which was unsettling. When I was in New York in May I think it rained for 3 solid weeks and I was freezing - and while I knew California would be sunnier, warmer, easier - I was sad when I left, because I was leaving many of the people that matter most to me. And being on the East Coast just felt that much closer to the rest of my family in Michigan and South Florida -- "There's a lot of states between us right now Aunt Laura," my niece Katy said. What I began to realize was that it ultimately wasn't about a lifestyle for me - it was about who you build your day-to-day life with. Things came to a head a bit in June when I was back in New York and losing sleep and trying to stand on my head at 3 a.m. (my yoga teacher said this helps insomnia...it doesn't) when I finally began to admit to myself: "Uh-oh, I think I want to move back to New York." Once I finally stopped resisting the thought, and said 'ok', I felt a certain peace, and knew it was the right decision for me.

Since I had fully embraced a Southern California lifestyle living by the ocean, people have asked before if I ever would move back to the East Coast, and my answer was always, "For love." My Godson Logan (pictured above in front of my new building), age 2, is one of the 'who's' I am relocating 3,000 miles closer for.