Back to the Now

This is the blog formerly known as "Back to the Future", that was first birthed on a warm late August night in 2009 in San Clemente, California with my friend Jen.

I had told Jen earlier in the evening over drinks that I wanted to create a blog about returning back to New York City for the second time after life in a sleepy southern California beach town. "Back to the Future" was the inspired title that came to me after my friend/massage therapist Heather gave me a massage to calm my relocation nerves using an oil called "Into the Future" which I mistakenly kept calling Back to the Future.

As I reread the first post I created, when I was supposed to be packing, and look at the photo on my "About me" section, I remember that girl I was....packing box after box with friends Suzi, Jane and Ellen, planning goodbyes, excited, scared, anxious, wondering if I was making a dreadful mistake, really unsure of what was ahead.  And of course in the back of mind, my friend Dave's voice was always there, the change catalyst, pushing me towards the leap,  "We're going to the future people, are you coming??"

I told myself I was writing "Back to the Future" so I could stay in touch with California friends and family members, though it was really more of a grounding salve for my own wobbly nerves in the weeks and months ahead.  After a while, I finally let go of "I just moved" essays (my friends Stacy and Greta both said, a few times, "You live here now!") and posts became less about the transition, and more about life in NYC part 2.

Sometimes I wrote for a particular person (my muse was my Aunt Ruth at the time); sometimes something seemingly out of nowhere would inspire the writing, and whatever I was wrestling with in my mind would miraculously resolve once I began.   I would write and publish quickly, knowing I'd lose my nerve and vulnerability if I stopped to edit too much.  Inevitably I'd notice a typo or two after I hit "publish".  "Your followers don't mind the typos..."  my friend Lauren said kindly.

Over time, I'm not sure what happened, though less of 'me' came through.  Sometimes there's the dry periods that comes to writers.  Though I think it was a matter of looking down on the tightrope, pulling up the drawbridge, closing your heart.  Days turned into weeks, weeks into months.  The words stayed trapped inside.

I told someone several months ago that perhaps I had writers' block, as I didn't have ideas on what to write about...which wasn't quite true.  A good friend was diagnosed with a rare cancer earlier this year, and my father was battling the awful disease of ALS.  I had a lot of 'content' and things to say... though they were subscribers and so I edited myself by not even beginning.

A few months ago, that 'problem' sadly resolved itself...

Resistance showed up in another form when I thought about dusting off the blog and thought about changing platforms, starting new,  clean slate, new title.   Then it became a matter of my own technology limitations, and not knowing how to actually move blog archives, a desire to move forward though not losing the roots of where I came from.  There's always a reason why you can't do something...

As in many struggles, sometimes it's the simplest answer when I realized, finally, that I could simply rename the blog.

I'm not sure what posts will be inspired for this 'new' blog of mine, though I am lowering the drawbridge and ready to share again.

Thanks for reading.